Critical Convo’s before Middle School
Hey Momma!
Our little girls grow up fast. Some of you have already learned this lesson. I’m in the pre-teen and teen years currently, and as I look back there are a few conversations (well countless conversations, if we’re going to be honest) that I am so, so, so thankful that my girls and I had before ever stepping foot into the middle school world.
Here’s what I know:
The enemy doesn’t care how old or young our daughters are, he will try to deceive them.
If our girls aren’t grounded in Truth at home, they can get grounded in something or someone else.
At an age-appropriate time, equip our daughters with the Truth because that will keep them safer in the long run.
Having a relationship with our girls and being able to talk about anything doesn’t happen by accident.
When we fall and make mistakes along the way, God didn’t send His Son for us to live in shame. He showed us how to repent and turn to Him when we fall short. No matter what happens, He loves us so very much. If we get caught up in our mistakes or any type of legalism, we’ve missed the point.
If your girls are in elementary, take time to look through these resources and see if any might be a blessing for you and your girls. If your girls are in middle school and you haven’t broached any of these topics yet, well it’s the perfect time! Your daughter is still under your roof. You have time and influence. You might read these resources and identify you like some aspects but not all of a certain book, that’s great! It will be important for you to know your daughter and her maturity level, be aware of who’s she surrounded by at school and the friends she’s hanging around with, so you can continue to equip her with not just “right on time” wisdom, but “right before time” wisdom, so she can pull from Truth she has already heard before! Check these out below!
One of the best, Biblically-based parenting books I have ever read was “What the Bible Says About Child Training: Parenting with Confidence”. A Pastor shared this book with me several years ago. I read it and had conversations with my husband about it. Many of the things we were aligned on already, but it did help us see a few things from a different lens that we decided we needed to adjust. Even if your daughter is older, but she’s struggling with anything-selfishness, greed, bitterness, anger, anything-this is a great book with how to pull the roots of those things up and establish healthy habits, boundaries and self-control to live by.
Another book that I read with each of my daughters 1-on-1 was the Lies Girls Believe & the Truth That Sets Them Free. It came with a "Mom’s Guide” which I read and completed beforehand. This was an amazing way to open up dialogue with each of my girls about what they knew or heard about various topics from school, friends, or teachers. This was foundational for future conversations because it helped us think about things in two distinct ways about any topic: what the world says about something and what God says about something. To this day, this is still one of my daughters favorite books.
One thing I realized is that my girls loved the 1-on-1 time with the reading and the conversations. Reading is something I love to do. It’s pretty cool to share in that with them. As we would read, we’d really just slip into more and more conversation which was a prayer answered. Having a foundation of talking about anything and everything, no matter what, is what I wanted for my girls.
This type of relationship doesn’t happen by accident.
Next, I read these two books with my girls, again 1-on-1 with each. The book, It’s Great to be a Girl: A Guide to Your Changing Body was one I read well before they were still growing into their bodies. Why did I read it to them at this point? Lord knows what they will see or hear at school, on TV, or simply out and about when it comes to their '“identity”. I wanted them to know what God says about their bodies and being a girl and align the girls with Truth in this area. We know the world has alot to say about everything.
We then read A Girls Guide to Best Friends and Mean Girls. Honestly, my girls are pretty strong with their friend choices for the most part and we refer to Proverbs often when it comes to who you choose to be close to or not, so the girls were pretty grounded in having a strong understanding of healthy and positive friendships. However, as these girls are young and see how many girls can operate around them, talking about this is definitely something that doesn’t hurt!
I love reading with my girls 1-on-1, but as the girls continued to get older and more involved with various sports and activities, it was getting tougher and tougher. (This is another reason I’m so thankful for these foundational conversations we had while they were younger.) I felt like there are conversations I want to make sure I have with each of my daughters as individuals and then there are others we have all together. There is power in both.
The next book we read, we read all together. We had read about a girls changing body and friendships along with a variety of other topics. One that I wanted to make sure we also spent time digging into was our mind. How do we equip and protect our thinking? Battlefield of the Mind for Kids was an amazing book to begin thinking about our thoughts and being mindful of all of the things that can impact our thoughts. This was a game changer for our girls because it helped our girls remember they are human and have and will make mistakes. NONE of this is about being perfect, that ain’t happenin! That’s never the goal! But let me tell you how powerful it is when our girls realize they have Power and Authority when it comes to their thought life. Again, a game changer!
Another powerful book I am so very thankful to have come across was a book titled: One Blood for Kids, What the Bible Says about Race. As you can imagine by the title, this book helped my girls have an understanding of Truth within this area. One thing, among many, I appreciate about this book is that it reminds us that our identity is not in the color of our skin or where we are from. Our identity is in Jesus Christ. This was a powerful book that my girls leaned in for and from what I’ve gathered it’s because there’s little to no education on Truth in this area in many places of the world. The world has a lot of opinions about race and has since Jesus walked this earth. To be rooted in this area is important for our girls for sure.
Alright ladies, here’s the last couple of resources I’ll share for the day. These are important ones. These books touch on relationships, puberty, boys, and even sex. These topics for sure are topics that you will need to pray about. Is your daughter’s maturity level ready for any or all of these types of conversations? I can say that because we had already had so many conversations around several of these topics, it was a more natural conversation. My daughters go to a public school and heard absolutely crazy things. Of course this can happen at any school, I’m just trying to share that while in a public school, they get to see ‘the public’ and whatever that may bring at times fortunately and unfortunately.
With that being said, I knew when my daughters were ready for these conversations. I was the one who wasn’t quite ready. So, I prayed and prayed, and spoke with my husband. Thankfully, I came across another book titled What are You Waiting For? The One Thing No One Ever Tells You About Sex”. Before having conversations with my daughters, I was fearful I wouldn’t know how to answer all of their questions. I wanted to be prepared and share very clearly what the world will tell them and what God will tell them. This book was one that I read by myself as I prepared to have this conversation with my daughters.
I continually reminded my girls that this is not a call for any type of perfection and that we are so blessed to serve a merciful, loving and forgiving God when we do fall short in any area of our lives.
Once I was ready for ‘the conversation’, I then dug into the Passport2Purity Series which I heard about from a friend of mine several years ago. She took her daughter through the series with a friend and it was foundational for those girls at that time. Even when my girls were little, I always remembered that I hoped I could take my girls through this series when the time was right as well. I could write for days about this experience, but I have too many words to describe this critically important and memorable weekend getaway experience. This is something I wish every mother/daughter and father/son could experience. If this is something you decide to do, remember that it’s critical you go through the entirety of the cd’s and writings yourself. There may be things you want to prepare for/adjust, not address, etc. You must do the homework to be best prepared for this weekend! I can tell you, it’s worth the work!
I hope these will support you as you’re navigating motherhood with growing young girls. I can tell you though, as an educator for nearly 20 years, that if you haven’t talked to your girls about any of these things by the time they’re in 4th and 5th grade, there is a great chance they’ve already heard much more than you can imagine at school and from their friends about these topics. It might be uncomfortable and it might be tough, but it’s important and our girls are worth the time and our possible discomfort.
Let’s turn our Eyes to Jesus because it’s all for His Glory.
In love,
Kassie Leigh